- "As two people in marriage embrace this view of reality [sin is ugly], and live in accordance with it, their lives and marriage begin to look more and more like the picture God wants to display to a lost world. Until sin be bitter, marriage may not be sweet." (38)
- But once I find 1 Timothy 15-16 trustworthy - once I can embrace it with full acceptance - once I know that I am indeed the worst of sinners, then my spouse is no longer my biggest problem: I am. And when I find myself walking in the shoes of the worst of sinners, I will make every effort to grant my spouse the same lavish grace that God has granted me." (41)
- "So here is my conclusion: I am a better husband and father, and a happier man, when I recognize myself as the worst of sinners. That status just seems more obvious to me with the passing of each week. But then again, you're the worst of sinners too. So is your spouse. At least it's not lonely here at the bottom." (43)
Chapter Three - The Fog of War and the Law of Sin
- "There it is. The sides of this war are not male versus female, husband versus wife, or controller versus enabler. It is a clash of desires - desires of the flesh against desires of the Spirit. It is trench warfare for the supremacy of the human heart." (48)
- "This whole idea of seeing God, yourself, and your marriage for what they truly are is all about clear biblical thinking. Locating the source of your marriage problems in your marriage is like saying the Battle of Bull Run was caused by some really troubled farmland. The battle was fought on farmland, but its cause lay elsewhere." (51)
- "The cause of our marriage battles, friends, is neither our marriage nor our spouse. It's the sin in our hearts - entirely, totally, exclusively, without exception." (51)
- "If we see that sin's betrayal of us is the biggest problem in our marriage, it can evoke, if not a perfectly holy anger, at least an indignant courage. And that's an emotion that comes in very handy on a battlefield." (57)
I have to agree with the majority of what has been said here. My theory is at selfishness is the root of all sin, and that selfishness is the chief problem in marriages. However, I'm not quite sure about the 'sin in our hearts' as being the entire and exclusive problem. Do culturally ascribed gender roles not play a part in causing marriage battles?
ReplyDeleteAbe,
ReplyDeleteI think the author would agree that there are secondary and/or tertiary causes to marriage battles but in these chapters he has only covered what he considers as the primary cause. He has suggested that other issues, such as poor communication for example, are legitimate issues but that they are not what we should initially focus on.
Abe / Jude
ReplyDeleteInteresting question. I don't think 'roles' in and of themselves, culturally ascribed or otherwise ever lead to battles. Battles arise when an individual becomes discontent (rightly or wrongly) with the role they have been given. 'Rightly discontent' when the role is wrongly assigned and 'wrongly discontent' when you just don't want your correctly assigned role. The first error can be mitigated by having a common theological understanding with your spouse which, as far as I can tell, the author is advocating. The second error I think is 'sin in our hearts'.
Rich, the word 'assigned' is an interesting one. Who is doing the 'assigning' of marital roles? At first I thought you were talking about roles as assigned by God, but you mention that these can be "wrongly assigned". So who 'assigns' marital roles?
ReplyDeleteAbe,
ReplyDeleteI was thinking of my answer in terms of a Christian married couple. I actually meant what you thought - roles assigned by God. For the circumstance in which we become erroneously discontent, God has not made a mistake in his role assignment. A correctly assigned role to me is = one that correctly aligns with scripture (another point of controversy for some) = God's assignment. Wrongly assigned roles encompass all others regardless of who assigns them. What you might do when faced with righteous discontentment due to a wrongly assigned role is a whole other matter of discussion.