When Sinners Say "I Do" by Dave Harvey - Chapter Four and Five, some quotes

More quotes from Dave Harvey's book on marriage When Sinners Say "I Do".


Chapter Four - Taking It Out For A Spin

• "When God saves us we are drawn to unfamiliar things - to holiness, truth, the Scriptures, and God's amazing love. As we learn more, though, we have a desire to act on what we know and believe about God...Biblically speaking, putting theology into gear means driving onto the road of wisdom. Wisdom in the Bible isn't some mystical knowledge or simple street savvy. It's the life and decisions of someone rightly related to God. It's applying what we know is true." (62-3)

• "True humility is living confident in Christ's righteousness, and suspicious of our own." (63)

• "This may be a shocker, but we should be suspicious...selectively, permanently, and internally. As the worst of sinners, in the day-to-day conflicts of marriage, I should be primarily suspicious and regularly suspicious of myself! To be suspicious of my own heart is to acknowledge two things: that my heart has a central role in my behavior, and that my heart has a permanent tendency to oppose God and his ways." (64)

• "Scripture does not give me permission to make the sins of my spouse my first priority." (66)

• "There's a lot of talk these days about the need for honesty in marriage. Unfortunately, what's being advocated looks more like a license to verbally unload on our spouse whatever we're "feeling" for the sake of "emotional honesty." Sadly, this approach in practice typically produces great hurt and offense. Though honesty is essential in marriage, we must be able to build trust and resolve offenses. The problem is not with honesty itself, but in the intent of a person's honest words." (68)

• "Can my words or behavior tempt my spouse to start or escalate a conflict? Of course...But there's nothing I can do to cause a sinful response in my spouse. The sin that emerges from a spouse's heart was already there." (73)

Chapter Five - Mercy Triumphs Over Judgment

• But deep, profound differences are the reality of every marriage. It's not the presence of differences but the absence of mercy that makes them irreconcilable." (81)

• "We don't wait to be sinned against and then try to respond with mercy. Rather, we adopt the posture of being willing to experience sin against us as part of building a God-glorifying marriage in a fallen world." (84)

• "But we must go back and ask, "What is the purpose of mercy?" Do I extend mercy to get a response? Are results the point? Is mercy some spiritual coin with which I purchase my spouse's good behavior?" (93)